The Beauty of Going to Confession

You stand at the very front of the line, the army of butterflies in your stomach performing an overly zestful jitterbug. Your sweaty hands are perpetually wrapping around that paper that you used to help call your sins to mind - it's been creased more times than you can count, and barely legible now. In a burst of color, and just when you were looking away, the light flashes from red to green and the door pops open, a pious old lady with a rosary wrapped around her crinkled hands making a beeline for the nearest pew. You take a deep breath in, and out, and you head for the half-opened wooden door. There's no turning back now. 

Whether you'd like to admit it or not, we've all been in this situation before. Whether it was your first confession ever or the one you had just yesterday, every Catholic from the basically-already-a-saint old lady to the non-practicing teen has experienced these wild emotions. And it's only natural, of course. Sometimes we have to bring some particularly heavy things into the confessional, and explaining them to a man in persona Christi (in the person of Christ) can be rather daunting. 

When I was still a little tyke (well, six or seven, but referring to my past self as a "tyke" is just so much fun), I was told by smiling parents that coming out of confession is like "walking on air", and that when you're in there it's like you're "talking directly to Jesus". I'm sure you've heard all these things before, and I'm also pretty sure that nine times out of ten, talking to the priest in the confessional is just plain embarrassing. Sometimes, it's all I can do to not slink down from up on my knees to sitting on my calves, painfully uncomfortable after telling the priest about how I didn't keep up with my Lenten fast or lied to my mother (if you're reading this, Mama, I'm sorry! I love you! I promise to brush my teeth the next time you tell me to!). It's in these moments that I completely feel all those sins, and then it's hard to recover from them. 

What I mean is...

When you had a particularly difficult experience confessing something, or you felt REALLY bad about it, then it's harder to find peace inside yourself POST-confession. This has definitely happened to me before, and it's like the sin is still hanging on there, because you're not willing to let the guilt go. You embrace it, and living in that guilt can, I THINK, sort of become rather sinful in itself. So finding peace after confession? That's definitely the way to go. Seeing as I've been confession-ing for eight or so years now, I have several suggestions. 

1. Find a good confessor. This can be semi-challenging at times, but if you can find a priest that you know really well, it can be awesome. I've always moved around, so finding a priest I know is often difficult. My high school, however, is blessed with the most incredible chaplain in the WORLD, however, so I've been pretty fortunate over the past two years. If you haven't yet found a priest whom you know you can trust, then I encourage you to pray for one! When the time comes, G'D will put people in your path that will be able to help you. 
2. Go behind the screen. For my first confession, I went face-to-face. As a child, I had this completely false belief that people who went face-to-face were braver because they were willing to explain to a mortal's face what they had done. For years, I just continued walking into the confessional and sitting in the chair across from the priest and letting all my sins explode from my mouth in a shaking voice. I personally think this false belief of mine contributed to my uncomfortable feelings surrounding the sacrament of confession for many years. Why have I found more peace behind the screen? One reason, and one reason alone - I'm no longer looking at a person. When I was looking at Father John David, or Father Dell, or Father Bashista or whoever it was, I didn't have my mind in the right place. I was confessing more to a man, and less to G'D. When I go behind the screen, I'm no longer looking at a face, and I can imagine Jesus beside me, listening to me and bringing me absolution and peace. 
3. Remember to prepare beforehand. I always try to examine my conscience before going to confession, per the recommendation. I find that when I do not, I'm stumbling over my words, and this causes me even more stress, and when I'm stressed I forget to remember that I'm really confessing to Jesus and...you see what I mean? It's just a giant hill to tumble down, so reading through a booklet, the Ten Commandments, the Works of Mercy, even the Beatitudes definitely helps my experience in the confessional. 
4. Pray for the priest beforehand. Before entering the confessional, perhaps while you're preparing your heart to receive the graces offered in this sacrament, offer up a quick prayer for the priest. Saint Faustyna Kowalska, the Apostle of Divine Mercy, was extremely dedicated to this practice. At one point in her life, she forgot, and left the confessional feeling less peaceful than usual. It was eventually revealed to her that she did not pray for the priest before entering the confessional and that was why she had not felt as free afterwards. You can find two wonderful prayers here.
5. 
   Be prepared to let go. It doesn't matter what we confessed within the walls of the confessional. As long as you spoke the words with true contrition and the priest absolved you, those chains have been broken and you are free. If, after confession, you feel as though you must confess whatever the sin was again, that is the voice of the Evil One. You must remember that the grace of G'D is with you, the Holy Spirit is inside you, and Mother Mary has her mantle wrapped around you. 

The sacrament of confession is one of the most beautiful things in our faith tradition. I am extremely grateful that I can go in and get a shower of grace to wipe all those messy sins off my soul. Going in it can feel like a struggle, but coming out I feel like a free bird. I urge you to thank G'D in your daily prayers for His wonderful gift of confession.

May G'D go with you!